Tag: Husky

Marrow

My gut groans with you inside my mind

And in my dreams you’ve passed my lips a thousand times

Diet see you locked behind fridge doors

The diet continues and so do the songs –

MARROW

Marrow, it’s you I’m looking for?

I need you inside warm pies

I need you with hot fries

You’re all I’ve ever wanted and my mouth is open wide

Cause you know you’re great in satay and you make the best stew

I want to taste you so much, I really do

I long to open bones to see you there

and lick and lick and lick and munch til bones are bare

Sometimes I feel my hunger will overflow

Marrow, you absence hurts me so

Cause I wonder wanna wear you on my chin and I want ya in my hairdo

Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone chewing you?

Tell me….

I long to see the end of diet and see you there

And Ill chew time and time again then much with Husky flair

Sometimes I feel my stomach so damn hollow

Marrow, oh how I want to eat you so

Cause I wonder where you and I search and dig for you

Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone chewing you?

Come on mother have a heart and just let me have a chew

Please let me start by saying Mum I love you.

Max woof – please send food.

 

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Hello

Sounds of Silence

I think the diet Max the Husky is on is getting to him, just heard him singing this to himself.

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Hello

 

Fool she said “Do you not know

bones make your gut grow

Hear my words and I might teach you

Or my foot is gonna reach you”

But her words like silent raindrops fell

and all I chose to hear was silence

and then she pointed out what I weighed

and the dents from where I laid

And then she gave me one more warning

“stop eating or vets in the morning”

And then she said “To band your fat guts!”

“No more Subway rolls

And No more meatballs”

and I whimpered in the sound of silence.

 

Maxwell Francis Murray – Woof

The Husky Rescue Centre – 2

 

IMG_2345 (2)The Husky Rescue Centre

1 Husky Lane

Husky Town

To the Owner of Maxwell Francis Murray,

We write again seeking your cooperation regarding the repeated harassment of my staff by your dog Maxwell Francis Murray or as he continues to refer to himself Mighty Max.

After our last correspondence we had a brief period of “Non Max” and staff were once again able to work towards assisting Husky’s in genuine need of help. Unfortunately this was short lived and it did not take long for the Max calls to start up again. We thought with the assistance of caller ID directing all of Max’s calls straight to voicemail that he may get bored and stop. We were incorrect as this did not slow up his persistent calling on little bit. It also left our staff to deal with numerous message each day.

We ask that you take the time to go over this new list with Maxwell and explain why these issues cannot been taken seriously either. We also plead for the love of god can you remove our phone number from your speed dial.

* A Goanna sighting does not warrant a call to our emergency hotline requesting “backup”. We are a rescue organisation and DO NOT send backup. To confirm this includes “backup” for any of the following reasons – baths, vet visits, tick removal, brushing, nor bones being found by sisters.

* Our staff are not trained in “Goanna” in any way shape or form and cannot give advice on catching or tanning and we cannot and will not recommend any recipes.

* Once again Diets are not a form of torture nor break any cruelty laws. With the energy that Max appears to have we would also advise further reducing his intake of food – especially sugar.

* We are a Husky Rescue Centre and we do not find homes for, as Max has worded it “2 Second hand wolfhounds” and we also suggest keeping a very close eye on those hounds.

* We do not control the temperature – we are sorry if Max feels hot but 30 calls a day expressing this fact will not help with his heat control.

* Ravens are not ninjas conspiring g to kill Max or steal his self proclaimed super powers. Could you please also explain that ravens are that colour naturally and that they are not wearing little ninja suites.

* Being left at home while you go out is not abandonment and we will not go looking for you. We also feel it is important to explain that if you are late getting home , that it is highly unlikely that you have been taken by an alien life force, dingos or lions tigers and bears. Most importantly you need to get across that even if you were taken by any of the previous mentioned threats that there is nothing we can do to help.

* We assume from the tale told by Max that you clean his ears and do not try and poke his brains out an attempt to brainwash him. If you cannot explain this to Max please just let the wax build up.

* Finally our staff are not paid to do any of the following duties – home deliver pizzas (or any other form of food), give emergency ear scratches, complete reconnaissance missions on goannas, chat because Maxwell is in the mood to tell a tale, give opinions on poetry, song lyrics nor do we proof read .

I have also attached our previous list as there would be no harm in repeating these to Maxwell a second time.

I hope this will be our last correspondence with you and that we will not be forced to move our offices to Siberia.

Regards

The Husky Rescue Centre.

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* Having to share with his sister is not a form of cruelty.

* Being bathed is not a crime nor a reason to call our emergency hotline.

* The adding of a goat to the family is not a direct threat against Maxwell, Nor does the goat work for the vet (please see Vet below) .

* A diet is NOT a form of torture.

*The sighting of a hair brush does not warrant a terror alert.

* Toe nail clipping is not the same as bamboo being placed under the toe nails.

* The removing of a summer coat does not remove the soul.

* A on-call chef is a luxury and not a basic dog right that he is being refused.

* Being told to be quiet is not an act violence and in Maxwell’s case is totally understandable.

* Being placed on a lead while walking is not forced imprisonment nor does it reduce his lifespan.

* Finally the Vet is not a secret government agent working on a anti dog conspiracy (with the goat).

The Assassin – The Hairbrush

Mighty Max here. I have been reading Mothers Face book and see that some of you think it is funny that I am cautiously concerned about the hairbrush. People your ability to find humour in such a dangerous situation shows me that you really do not understand the deathly plot the hairbrush is planning for us all. Including my Irish Woolly Mammoth Hound sister Keva. She has been taken in by its leg tap inducing spell on more than one occasion.

Now let’s get things straight and let me correct those of you that think I fear the Hairbrush. I am Max…Mighty Max I do not have fears. I scan the forest for danger, I eat goannas for breakfast and dingo’s for tea. I do not fear things……things fear me. So I do not fear the Hairbrush!! I just respectfully acknowledge the fact that it is a cold-blooded killer and unlike the goanna it has a brain to match its assassin skills. After years of biting the Brush and anyone stupid enough to conspire with it, I have realised that, like Mighty Max it too has super powers. But unlike me it harnesses them for evil.

So now I study the Brush, I watch its moves and I am always prepared for its next attack….and it will attack again! It will brainwash my poor mum into helping it wield its terror upon me. It will violently rip my fur (my glorious, glorious fur) from my body in an attempt to harness my super powers and use those or evil as well.

I have explained this to the oversized cloud dwelling Woolly Mammoth, but let face it she’s pretty – pretty dumb!!!

I mean if she can’t see that even its name is an acronym for its evil plot then I simply cannot help her.

 

High-Class

Assassin with

Insidious

Reasons for

Boldly

Ridding the

Universe of

Super-Hero

Huskies

Or for those Ladder Legs out there think Super-Sized Hounds.

Freaky I know……You have all been warned.

Max….Mighty Max….WOOF!

Just a tasty bone for me

Just a tasty Bone for me

A King may want for his throne,

Me – I just want a tasty bone.

A Lord May want for his Lady,

With just a bone, I am happy.

A leader may want for his people,

I want a bone on which to dribble.

A doctor may want for the sick,

Just give me a bone, nice and thick.

A thief may want for a perfect crime,

I just want a bone to be all mine.

An artist may want for a muse,

Me, a bone will happily amuse.

A singer may want for a band,

I’m happy if I have a bone at hand.

A sailor may want for the sea,

A juicy bone will do little old me.

A poet may want for the perfect rhyme,

Just give me a bone at every mealtime.

Max Woof

 

 

I’m in Barney Rubble

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Once again I’m deep in Barney Rubble,

Mum came in and burst me bubble.

For this I’ll end up doing bird lime,

Getting caught – Never the perfect crime.

I can see me brought before the Barnaby Rudge,

Off to the Jail he will make me trudge.

The cakes, I was only having a butcher hook,

I swear, it was the Hoover Hound that took.

Mother, my buddy, my best china plate,

You gotta believe Dino Dog, the one that ate.

Mum said “Don’t you dare take the gypsy’s kiss,

The crumbs all over your nose, hard to miss.”

Ok I’m guilty, but this diet has got me Hank Marvin,

Those cakes stopped my gut achin and my back archin.

If you let me off, I promise never again to half inch,

I can be good, a deal this Husky can certainly clinch.

You see jail would do me in – I’d be brown bread,

So let’s forget the theft and how bout a pat instead.

Max Woof