The Husky Rescue Centre
1 Husky Lane
To the Owner of Maxwell Francis Murray,
We write again seeking your cooperation regarding the repeated harassment of my staff by your dog Maxwell Francis Murray or as he continues to refer to himself Mighty Max.
After our last correspondence we had a brief period of “Non Max” and staff were once again able to work towards assisting Husky’s in genuine need of help. Unfortunately this was short lived and it did not take long for the Max calls to start up again. We thought with the assistance of caller ID directing all of Max’s calls straight to voicemail that he may get bored and stop. We were incorrect as this did not slow up his persistent calling on little bit. It also left our staff to deal with numerous message each day.
We ask that you take the time to go over this new list with Maxwell and explain why these issues cannot been taken seriously either. We also plead for the love of god can you remove our phone number from your speed dial.
* A Goanna sighting does not warrant a call to our emergency hotline requesting “backup”. We are a rescue organisation and DO NOT send backup. To confirm this includes “backup” for any of the following reasons – baths, vet visits, tick removal, brushing, nor bones being found by sisters.
* Our staff are not trained in “Goanna” in any way shape or form and cannot give advice on catching or tanning and we cannot and will not recommend any recipes.
* Once again Diets are not a form of torture nor break any cruelty laws. With the energy that Max appears to have we would also advise further reducing his intake of food – especially sugar.
* We are a Husky Rescue Centre and we do not find homes for, as Max has worded it “2 Second hand wolfhounds” and we also suggest keeping a very close eye on those hounds.
* We do not control the temperature – we are sorry if Max feels hot but 30 calls a day expressing this fact will not help with his heat control.
* Ravens are not ninjas conspiring g to kill Max or steal his self proclaimed super powers. Could you please also explain that ravens are that colour naturally and that they are not wearing little ninja suites.
* Being left at home while you go out is not abandonment and we will not go looking for you. We also feel it is important to explain that if you are late getting home , that it is highly unlikely that you have been taken by an alien life force, dingos or lions tigers and bears. Most importantly you need to get across that even if you were taken by any of the previous mentioned threats that there is nothing we can do to help.
* We assume from the tale told by Max that you clean his ears and do not try and poke his brains out an attempt to brainwash him. If you cannot explain this to Max please just let the wax build up.
* Finally our staff are not paid to do any of the following duties – home deliver pizzas (or any other form of food), give emergency ear scratches, complete reconnaissance missions on goannas, chat because Maxwell is in the mood to tell a tale, give opinions on poetry, song lyrics nor do we proof read .
I have also attached our previous list as there would be no harm in repeating these to Maxwell a second time.
I hope this will be our last correspondence with you and that we will not be forced to move our offices to Siberia.
The Husky Rescue Centre.
* Having to share with his sister is not a form of cruelty.
* Being bathed is not a crime nor a reason to call our emergency hotline.
* The adding of a goat to the family is not a direct threat against Maxwell, Nor does the goat work for the vet (please see Vet below) .
* A diet is NOT a form of torture.
*The sighting of a hair brush does not warrant a terror alert.
* Toe nail clipping is not the same as bamboo being placed under the toe nails.
* The removing of a summer coat does not remove the soul.
* A on-call chef is a luxury and not a basic dog right that he is being refused.
* Being told to be quiet is not an act violence and in Maxwell’s case is totally understandable.
* Being placed on a lead while walking is not forced imprisonment nor does it reduce his lifespan.
* Finally the Vet is not a secret government agent working on a anti dog conspiracy (with the goat).