Hey Peeps – Keva the Diva here. I need your help!!! I think my mum’s broken. Don’t panic not squeaky toy kinda broken but I think she’s just not right in the head……
No Keva – You cannot chase Pa’s cat – WHY NOT?
No Keva – Don’t you even think about chasing that Kangaroo!!! KEEEEEVVA come back right this minute, I said NO!!! – WHY NOT?
No Keva – My um boots are not toys and they are not meant to have holes in them! – WHY NOT?
No Keva – Put Max the Husky down. He is not a toy!!! – WHY NOT???
No Keva – I don’t want the lounge 3 foot towards the left!!! – WHY NOT????
No Keva – Stop pulling on your lead…..it will never get longer than Max’s no matter how hard you pull!!!! – WHY NOT????
No Keva – Pa does not want to be indecently assaulted every time he visits!!! – WHY NOT???
No Keva – You cannot get into a pond then come inside and get on the lounge! -WHY NOT??
No Keva – Will you not stalk me while I’m working outside and ninja attack me – my bum is not meant to be covered in puncture wounds!!! – WHY NOT???
No Keva – Put the tyre down – it belongs on a motorbike not in your mouth!!! – WHY NOT???
No Keva – Keva the TV is for watching not chewing??? – WHY NOT???
No Keva – We do not chew up rolls of toilet paper into a million pieces and distribute them throughout the house! – WHY NOT???
No Keva – Just because you can reach the glue doesn’t mean you can eat the glue! – WHY NOT??
No Keva – We do not eat out bones on the lounge! – WHY NOT??
Seriously Peeps – all day every day, she’s like a broken record. She needs help, or medicating! I’ve heard Two Legs tell her to take a “chill pill’ before but I’ve looked in the first aid cabinet and can’t find them. So if any of you guys have any ideas how I can get Mum to chillax long enough for me to, trip her over, bite her on the bum, throw max in the air whilst chasing the cat, grab that tyre and throw it at a kangaroo then get at least one good bite on the TV please let me know.
These little red horns just aren’t going to come through properly if I don’t get my “Devil credits” up.
Got to go apparently I’m not allowed to play with the computer either…….. WHY NOT????????
Hey Peep! Keva the Diva back again. So I searched and searched for chill pills and even tried getting Mum to do some yoga. But Mum just said “NO Keva – Put me down, I do not want to hang upside down.”
So I decided to try another tack….I decided I would break my mum’s “NO”. You she tells Max the husky all the time “you’re going to wear that bark of yours out one day” and it gave me the idea. If I make her say NO enough times it might just wear it out….
So off I went on my mission……
NO KEVA, get out of the fish food, NO we do not sit on the lounge like that, NO we do not need trenches in the paddock, NO get out of the pantry, No stop chewing on Max, No get back here, No I’m trying to build at pool not drag it around, No that is my lunch, No stop drinking the baby fish, No get off the garden, No spit that out, No don’t touch this, No don’t touch that, No put that down, No get off, No get down, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOO!!!!!
Then Mum stopped and yelled “RIGHT get in the car!!” Down into the forest we drove. We got out at our normal spot and we walked and then we got to the creek. Mum said “no keep walking Hypo Hound” so we walked some more, I saw a goanna and I heard kangaroos jumping but mum just kept on walking. We walked and then we walked some more, then when I thought my legs were going to fall off and my tongue felt like it was made of sand we stopped. Then do you know what we did? We turned around and we had to do all that walking again. We got back to the creek and went for swim and then walked and walked back to the car.
When we got home I was sooo tired that I could barely move. Then mum gave me a smile, now I love a smile but this smile was different, it was the kind that Max gives me when he’s taken one of my bones.
Then it hit me! Maybe mum knew what I was up to the whole time, maybe she knew I was trying to wear out her “NO”. Just as this thought came to me Mum walked past and said “No Keva your wet get off the lounge”……and then she kissed me on the forehead and gave me another one of those smiles and whispered in my ear “If Max and Two Legs didn’t wear out my NO then you my dear, haven’t got a hope in hell.”
DAMMM…..Back to the drawing board peeps…………………………………..
Keva the Diva xo